Have you ever wanted to see a film where Santa gets stuck on the beach and thoroughly hates it? What about a Christmas movie that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas? If you take all this, throw in a terrifying Easter bunny, a defunct amusement park, and a plethora of random animals, and you have Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. In 1972, the movie was filmed at Pirate’s World, a Florida amusement park that was built to compete with Walt Disney World. The theme park ultimately could not compete with the mouse, and was shut down a year later. Personally, I believe it was this movie that did it in. 

The story starts with Santa Claus, stranded on the beach in his sleigh, the reindeer having left because they couldn’t take the heat. Meanwhile, Santa is left with nowhere to go, sweating up a storm in his velvet coat. Falling asleep, hopeless, he telepathically calls out to children in the neighborhood, calling some by name, while with others he simply gives up, calling out “girls” or “kids.” As creepy as this may be, the children follow his call, greeting him as he awakes.

In an attempt to save Santa, the children run off, each returning with their own idea of what animal could pull the sleigh, including a donkey, a pig, a dog, and even a man dressed as a gorilla. None of this works, of course.

When this fails, instead of finding other ways to get his sleigh out of the sand, Santa chooses to sit down and tell the children a story. Is this a Christmas story with a metaphor about the current drama? Nope.

There are two different releases of this movie. In one version, Santa tells a 1970 production of Thumbelina. Another version uses a 1970 production of Jack and the Beanstalk. Both stories were previously released as their own film short, and take up a majority of Ice Cream Bunny. Neither relate to Christmas, and in fact Thumbelina, also filmed at Pirate’s World, included both its opening and closing credits within this film as well. The Jack and the Beanstalk version is less recognizable as not following with the Christmas tale, however both are just as confusing. Thumbelina is filled with terrible mole costumes and bad green-screen edits, while Jack is an attempted remake of the story using current fashion styles and ideals.

After Santa tells his story, both of which contradict his own frustrations about being stuck in the sand, the children run off for one final attempt to save Santa. Soon enough, a fire engine siren can be heard and we are introduced to the Ice Cream Bunny (remember him from the title?). Driving a small fire engine, with all the children piled inside, the Ice Cream Bunny rescues Santa, agreeing to drive him back to the North Pole.

With the fairy tales starting only 18 minutes into the film, leaving only about 10 minutes left after, this film is lacking everything that could make anybody react to a movie. Adding in extra characters to the main narrative, like Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (introduced using a kazoo solo of “Old Man River”), it’s not hard to wonder how the amusement park went bankrupt.