I was well behaved this week and stayed away from the juice and am filling everyone in on my investigation into alicorn powder. How do you consume it? Does it burn? Do you feel the feels? I think it just made my big, sarcastic balls itch.
Let’s start with a pointy chair in Denmark. There is a throne that is made of “unicorn horns” but is most likely Narwhal tusks, (sounds more like a torture chair). I know, I wouldn’t want to sit on that throne. I would think it would hurt, but hey some people are into that type of thing. That same material was used for ceremonial cups because the unicorn horns were believed to neutralize poison. Something tells me it didn’t work very well , since I’m sure lots of royals were offed. But then again that was the same time frame leeches were used and blood letting. So any way you didn’t get to grow old. Kinda like now, the life expectancy is getting younger and younger.
Cups were made from alicorn for kings and given as gifts. These were usually made of ivory or walrus ivory. Entire horns were very precious in the Middle Ages and were often really the tusks of narwhals.
The pokey thing is what they call alicorn once it is turned into powder, not real unicorn horn. It was believed that the horn holds magical and medicinal properties (think ancient Harry Potter). The alicorn was thought to cure many diseases and have the ability to detect poisons, and many physicians would make “cures” and sell them. Fake unicorn horns were big money, I am sure. That is why people still sell animal body parts to this day.
Humans have always ate animal body parts in the belief it will heal them or give them magical powers, just drink a dang Red Bull but be warned you will not grow wings out of your ass and fly away, if you try that you shall be entered into the Darwin Awards. China is a large consumer of animal body parts for medicine. In 2014 China drank a Red Bull, woke up and outlawed the eating of tiger penis, rhino horn (the real unicorn), and other endangered animal body parts. Sure sounds like zombies in the making to me. Say NO to brains kiddos it will not increase your IQ.
The bile from Asiatic black bears is used to treat liver ailments, like tapeworms (I would rather eat garlic or blessed thistle than liver juices). I guess Tiger penis is good for the libido and erectile dysfunction. Dude so gross, I eat some crazy things but an endangered penis because your cock got soft? That is what the blue pill is for. Before taking the blue pill talk to your doctor. This is my public safety announcement of the day.
No one now believes the unicorn to be a real animal, right? Well if it takes a virgin to catch a unicorn, then now a days it is much, much harder to catch one.
Next week will be part 3 of Unicorns. More on Alicorn powder in today uses. Which scares me. LOL
If you like the new direction I am going with this blog, please leave a comment.