It’s been a few weeks since my last post, but fortunately, that’s because I have been super busy with my job, doing transcription work on the side, and in my few free moments working as an editor of an upcoming local newspaper. So yeah, I’ve got a slight excuse this time. Thankfully, I have had a little time to catch up on some long forgotten movies recently. One such movie was recently released on Blu-ray, and was possibly one of the strangest, unfortunate requests to my library movie selector.
Supergirl. When I think of this character the first, and only person I want to think about playing her after watching this movie is Melissa Benoist. Yet in 1984, after Superman III, Helen Slater starred as Kara Zor-El, a.k.a Linda Lee, on the big screen. Set in the Superman movie universe, there are enough plot holes that there is barely one left. Argo city is still around, as is Krypton, and everybody knows that Kal-El is not only on Earth, but that he is Superman. This must be the reason that when Kara accidentally goes on to catch the Omegahedron, a small ball that can create life, but also create weird magic apparently, after it’s thrown outside their world, immediately transforms into Supergirl, complete with the Kryptonian “S”.
Oh yeah, and Argo City isn’t on Krypton. It’s not even in outer space. It’s in “innerspace” – under the ocean. On Earth. But they’re not Earthlings – they’re Kryptonian.
She’s still Superman’s cousin, and Linda Lee, her Earth alias, is Clark Kent’s cousin. This helps her fit in in Midvale as she searches for the Omegahedron while posing as a student at an all girls’ private high school where, conveniently, Lois Lane’s sister Lucy is studying. Another convenience, which helps this travesty fit into the Superman movie universe, is that Lucy is good friends with budding Daily Planet photographer Jimmy Olsen, once again played by Marc McClure, reprising his role from the main franchise.
While posing as a student, Kara seeks out the Omegahedron, which has been taken by Selena, a witch who only really wants the groundskeeper at the school to fall in love with her (yeah the Bechdel test was failed pretty much immediately). Finding her at a run-down amusement park, Kara is also faced with the groundskeeper, who accidently fell in love with her instead, and has been following her everywhere (Again: F-).
Ultimately, Kara falls for the groundskeeper also, who, after several scenes of explanations that Linda is fine and how have you not realized this after kissing Supergirl and Linda several times throughout the movie, and the two are able to retrieve the Omegahedron and save her friends from the witch.
This movie is filled with multiple celebrity cameos, starring as roles that are more important than the few seconds of screen time they received. Mia Farrow plays Kara’s mother, Alura, Peter O’Toole as Zaltar, and Peter Cook as Selena’s ex-partner— who I’m pretty sure was also the math teacher, despite that never being explained, and Selena played by Faye Dunaway, one of the saddest moments for such a major actor.
If you’re looking for camp, this is more camp than you need. If you’re looking for slightly less camp than the plot to Superman IV, this is a good choice.