“I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

The number of times I’ve thought this is greater than I even want to consider. Kevin Smith’s original series of movies, starting with Clerks, while sometimes cruder than I wished a movie to be depending on the age I was the first time I watched, continue to get better long after their release dates. This is also seen in Smith’s various television projects, including his stints in the Arrowverse. So when a new Smith movie featuring a convenience store showed up on Netflix, there was no way I could ignore it… especially when it involves Canadian Nazis. 

Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith) are two high school yoga enthusiasts who also happen to work at the Eh-2-Zed convenience store. They’re the typical Canadian teenagers, addicted to their phones and Instagram, avoiding work when at all possible, and constantly reading Them magazine (“One time there was a picture of Harry Styles buying bacon. So hot.”). Not long after learning in history class about the historically unknown “Canadian Hitler,” though, their lives become even more historical.

Long story short, the “Canadian Hitler’s” right-hand man, Andronicus Arcane, chose to hide and continue the attempted Nazi regime in Canada after its leader was arrested. To replenish the Canadian Nazi party, Arcane began a cloning experiment using his own DNA and bratwurst, but the experiment was cut short during a power outage. The reason being, his stronghold was located directly beneath Eh-2-Zed. I’ve often wondered what kind of mysterious caverns are located beneath my city, but I’ve never considered a long-lost Nazi member’s subterranean stronghold.

Since the experiment ended early, the resulting bratwurst clones were tiny and resembled… bratwurst. They were “bratzis.”

Meanwhile, Guy Lapointe shows up, agreeing to help the girls. Lapointe is a monster hunter and had previously hunted a walrus-man (more on this later). During the entire movie I was unaware of who was playing this character, only that the character was completely useless in the story. After proper research (a.k.a. IMDb), I learned he was played by Johnny Depp. This made Yoga Hosers the second moment of “unnecessary Johnny Depp” I experienced this year, the first being Fantastic Beasts.

I never saw Smith’s Tusk, as it was a rather gory horror movie. While it was a Kevin Smith movie, I chose to skip this one, not being able to watch movies of this type. This was the prequel for Yoga Hosers though, as shown by a newspaper article at the beginning of the film showing that the girls saved the man who had become a walrus. Lapointe was in this movie as well. Given the gore level, and the unfortunate fact that while I like Johnny Depp as an actor, I see no point in witnessing this character again, I may still choose to pass on Tusk.

Thankfully one does not have to have had watched that to enjoy this movie. The ridiculous sausage smashing, consistent Canadian puns, and random Kevin-Smith-movie-actor cameos (plus Stan Lee) make it a perfect Saturday night flick.