Last weekend, while enjoying breakfast with friends, the subject of whether or not one should trust a big butt and a smile came up, which resulted in quite a discussion. Some had a problem with the term “never,” which is a sure fire way to end up on the wrong side of a logical fallacy, while others questioned whether it was in the coupling of the big butt and smile or, if one happens after the other, is this then negated. It then dawned upon me… perhaps this is the perfect opportunity to approach this paradigm from a different angle? We live in an enlightened age… perhaps there is an inherent error in the Bell Biv DeVoe Theorem?

According to Bell Biv DeVoe:
Never Trust A Big Butt and A Smile, That Girl Is Poison!

Now, we do understand what the artists are saying here. It is a call to all that, within the context of this song, a lady with a large posterior and a welcoming face will not have your best interests at heart. On the surface this seems like wise, nay, I say sage advice. But, if one is to look deeper, you will find that you are disqualifying a lady strictly based on physical traits that may have little or no connection to her intent. In my 45 years on this earth, I have found, at times, this theorem to be true, but, by the same token, not! Did it shake my faith? No, for I had not put so much stock into this notion that I was willing to be cut off from others strictly because of their physicality.

Now, what if you happen upon a big butt and a frown? Automatically trustworthy? And if you somehow made the possessor of said gluteus maximus feel better and she begins to smile? Nefarious intent? Methinks not. All we have here is someone whose day has improved by one’s presence and to punish them for a combination that occurs by sheer happenstance is downright rude! By this interaction alone we can see the inherent error in this philosophical creed. To be honest, I have seen this to also be true, but that takes it from the realm of Never to Sometimes, which, lyrically speaking, is not nearly as potent a statement.

From the point of view of the big bootied ladies out there, this is not a diatribe against you. I do hope that you can see that I am no “Poison” apologist – although it is a trip, has a funky beat and I can bug out to it. But that does not change the fact that many see a big butt and automatically discount her! Do not do that, don’t sell yourself short! If I had followed this ideology, I would be alone and friendless to this very day. And, if you’re still questioning the voracity of my tuition, listen to the words of another musical classic… I Live The Life I Love and I Love The Life I Live!