This one is going to get a touch rant-y, but I make no apologies. Cosplay is a growing passion among geeks, showing up more at conventions and even being noticed by the mainstream. Unfortunately, this means there are a lot of people out there who don’t know cosplay etiquette. I’m not referring to the “norms” who gawk at it either. I’m talking about fellow geeks who attend cons and seem to think that it’s ok to make negative, often derogatory comments about cosplayers. And then there are the touchers and picture takers, but we’ll get to those.

Recently there have been a couple of photoshopped pics circulating on social media that are not only the epitome of bad cosplay etiquette, but condone harassment and even assault. Of course, the dimwits who made the pics think it’s all a big joke and don’t see what the problem is. The photos in question are of a standard “Cosplay is not consent” poster with a scantily clad cosplayer next to it. The photoshopped versions change the poster to read “Cosplay IS consent” and one provides an explanation beneath that essentially says “if we’re dressed like a slut, treat us like one” while the other simply reads “Please rape”. Not surprisingly, it has a lot of people upset and not just those in the cosplay community.

There has been a lot of chatter over the past few years about harassment policies at conventions. Perhaps that’s what this photoshopping stems from. But that doesn’t make it ok and it’s definitely not something to joke about. Regardless of what the costume is, there is no such thing as consent based on what you wear. This is the same mentality as those who shame victims of sexual assault by looking at what was worn and saying she was asking for it. C’mon, this is 2016! Why are women not allowed to wear what they want without fear of being called names or attacked in some way? And this doesn’t just apply to the costumes that barely cover (and remember, unless there have been liberties taken, most of these costumes accurately reflect what the anime/cartoon/comic/movie/tv characters wear). This also applies to the cosplayers who don’t match the character type they’re portraying (gender, weight, height, race), yet some people (even geeks) feel it’s fine to criticize them for it.

And it’s not just name calling or slut shaming. There are people who see cosplayers and think that it’s perfectly acceptable to walk up to them and touch them (innocently or inappropriately) without asking permission. I mean really, would you do that to a stranger on the street? Just walk up to them and pat them on the butt or put your arm around their shoulder? Why is it ok to do when someone is in costume? Yes, they know they are going to get attention, but again, they are not giving general consent to be randomly fondled. No matter how much you love a character or feel like you have a sudden connection to a cosplayer because of who they are portraying, you don’t know them so don’t touch!

Taking photos of cosplayers is a bit of a grey area at many cons and it is, at times, understandable if the etiquette isn’t followed. Generally speaking, cosplayers are fine with having their pictures taken. They are, after all, in costume to be seen and appreciated. Snapping pics when they’re posing or in a parade or part of a costume contest is perfectly fine. Even some casual photography is cool too, as they’re walking around the convention floor. But it crosses a line when someone follows a cosplayer around like a stalker, begs them to pose in ways they’re not comfortable with, tries to take pics of cleavage or butt, or continues to take pics after being asked to stop.

In summary, cosplay etiquette is no different than everyday etiquette. If you think you’re being sneaky about something, don’t do it. If you’re saying mean, hateful, derogatory things, stop it. If you want to interact with a cosplayer in some way, try talking to them and asking permission to take a photo. It basically comes down to the rule we should all live by: don’t be a dick!